Hertsmere Council And News Shopper - United They Stand, Divided They Foul!

As I have previously reported, crime is dropping all over the country. Often, I ask why this is. I would like to think that it's because the entire nation is working together to combat acquisitive crimes and crimes of violence.

Every time I come to this conclusion, I read something, which shows me how wrong I am.

The News Shopper advises us that: "Dumped cars and dog fouling top the list of offences Hertsmere Borough Council residents would like to see people fined for". What a focus, what an emphasis on public safety!

This does, however, dovetail with the views of the Local Authority. Hertsmere Council has a section on its website devoted to "Animal Fouling and Dead Animals". The section opens with the gripping and astounding statement: "Each day, dogs produce vast amounts of excrement." If only every authority had this kind of incisive view of social activity. It even goes on to observe that this can cover shoes and clothes! I fail to see how this could routinely happen. I do remember my brother once coming home covered in cow dung but he had ridden down a road, which had clearly been visited by a herd, and fallen off his bike!

I think that I can only conclude one thing; I have no desire to be covered in dog excrement and, therefore, will not be visiting Hertsmere in the near future!

Read the relevant articles here:
News Shopper.
Hertsmere Council.

Last minute dog shit

It's nearly Christmas - have you done all your Xmas shopping ? No ? Then allow me to advise on a couple of stocking fillers that are best sellers this year in the world of dog fouling & red rubber bands ...

Plop Trumps has been our No:1 best seller since June this year and is sure to brighten up everyones Xmas day.

Forget settling down to watch the James Bond film after Xmas dinner - grab your Plop Trumps and keep the family entertained for hours.

A bargain at only £4.95.

Or how about a DVD to keep the kids quiet after the big meal to allow you a quick snooze.

At only £5 Doggy Poo is a sure fire family favourite.

Next up is something for the busy executive - a 2010 dog poop calendar.

This is a bit more expensive at £12.99 but is a sure fire way to put your unique stamp on your drab uniform city office.

All these, and more, are available at our Dog Fouling & Red Rubber Bands Shop :-)

News Shopper - The Paper Of The People!

While we all know that crime is going down, there are still nasty people out there, who break the law. I feel safer when I hear that criminals have been apprehended and brought to justice. Communicating this message is a fundamental role of the local press.

Although crime rates nationally are reducing, we all still like to hear about a burglar being sent to prison or a violent criminal being given time to sit in a cell and reflect upon his/her behaviour.

So it is that the News Shopper reports on how a Mr James Davis has been fined £350 for not cleaning up after his dog in a children's play area. On top of this, he was hit for £150 court costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

Thank goodness all is well! In future, I won't feel the need to lock my front door or secure my car, certain in the knowledge that all the agencies of the state are poised to swing into action to target those matters, which affect the public the most.

Well done Dartford Magistrates for hammering this vile, socially destructive crime! Well done News Shopper for letting us all know that we can sleep more easily!

I can already hear a new slogan: "clear the grime or face the fine"!

Read the full story here.

The Solicitor General, A Railway Station, A Puppy And Diarrhoea

Vera Baird: her nickname is 'the Towering Inferno'. Photo: ABBIE TRAYLER-SMITH
Many thanks to The Telegraph for bringing us this story.
Vera Baird, the Solicitor General, allegedly walked off after her puppy, breed unspecified, fouled Kings Cross railway station.
The inference is that Ms Baird's dog had left a deposit, which could only be removed by a cleaner.
This article throws up many issues.
Allegedly Ms Baird asked "Don't you know who I am". Surely the answer has to be "no, and I don't actually care you sad, inconsiderate moron". Well done to the PCSO for either not knowing or pretending not to. That said, it appears that a woman began an argument with Ms Baird over this issue and then backed off. Don't do that, especially where dog fouling is concerned. If you start an argument, be ready to stay the course. If necessary, shout louder than the other party and be ready to pile on the abuse.
Legally, I also cannot see that this could have amounted to an offence of Disorderly Behaviour within the meaning of Section 5 Public Order Act, after all we have all seen an argument taking place and we are all far too familiar with dog mess.
Once again, while troubles beset the country and, indeed, the world, the upset stomach of a small dog is still headline news above robbery and burglary. Keep that pressure on!
Full article here.

"There's a dog turd in there..."

I am a huge fan of Family Guy - in fact I used to work with someone who had an uncanny resemblance to Peter Griffin which made everyday at work a laugh a minute (for me anyway).

I've included this clip from the show purely to praise the skill of the writers, who managed to get two of the characters to say "dog turd" within seconds of each other.

Genius!

Enjoy :-)

BBC News, A Dog And A Fouling Issue

School inspectors at The New School in Exminster in Devon were concerned that the school had taken on this elderly dog as they viewed her as a potential health hazard.

Head teacher, Michelle Taylor, said:

"Occasionally, she will go to the toilet, but the children tell us and we clean it up."

I am very confused by this statement. Does it mean that the dog has been trained to use the toilet with the children but makes a bit of a mess? What does occasionally mean? Has the dog got some form of constipation, such that it only defecates occasionally? I don't know but I do know that this highlights, yet again, that dog fouling can occur anywhere and is at the forefront of all of our thoughts.

Read the articles for further information.

This is Devon.
BBC News

Even The Foxes Are At It

A mate of mine at work clears up the dog mess left by his dog in his garden by double bagging it.

This is good as it shows sympathy for the refuse collectors. There is, however, a problem with his disposal technique. He sometimes leaves the bag on his doorstep until either he or his wife passes the bin.

Recently, his next door neighbour complained about fox excrement in the garden. This was followed by an observation that the fox excrement was accompanied by a bag of dog mess. Clearly, a fox had carried it through from one garden to the other.

I say: good on the foxes! I have just piled up a load in my garden in a carrier bag. Who knows where it will end up? I have attached my mobile number to the bag. It's a bit like a message in a bottle.

Muksak

This is a truly wonderful invention(?). I am all for enterprise and money earning and, therefore, applaud any business venture. Just look at this amazing product. I am sure the manufacturers must have sold at least one. Follow these simple instructions:

1. Collect up your dog's waste as normal


2. Place the securely tied bag of dog waste
into your muksak, by flipping open the
easy-opening catch


3. Close the lid and secure the catch once more

While this might seem like a step forward, I, for one, will continue to use the spare area in my sandwich box. Why spend money when you don't have to?

Read more here.

www.stooltool.com

Take the time to watch this video right through. I just love the comments that the male demonstrator and the camera woman make throughout this promotion video for Stool Tool!

"Beautiful", says the camera woman. "Just spear it", he replies, "even if its as big as a giant hot dog".

"This is real poop, not watered down", he continues, before hitting us with the best line yet, "there is residual poop in between our teeth".

The website is just as good - for only $6.95 you can pick up "soft, mushy or EVEN runny poop!" without "splitting open or smearing the poop".

The Stool Tool picks up ANY poop - big, little, hard or mushy. Even picks up poop that has been stepped on and smashed into the grass!

Remember Christmas is just around the corner - order yours today :-)

Nottinghamshire Police Tolerate No Messing

Richard Edwards is the Crime Correspondent for the Daily Telegraph. This newspaper is renowned for its right of centre politics. Richard's profile on the Daily telegraph website describes his activities as follows:



"As The Daily Telegraph's Crime Correspondent, Richard Edwards writes about the victims and perpetrators of crime, policing issues and the politics of Scotland Yard. In the past four years he has reported on the London bombings, the disappearance of Madeleine McCann and the G20 protests."

So, is Richard focused on burglary, robbery or even murder? No, not at all! Richard has gone directly to the heart of the criminal conduct, which is destroying our society.

Yes, you guessed it, Richard has lashed out at dog fouling!

As Richard reports:

"The area where the dog mess problem has been reported, Retford, records an average of more than 20 violent offences, burglaries and vehicle crimes every month. However in meetings with the police, the community has requested officers to make one of their top priorities the fouling issue.

Pc Steve Meredith said: “While dog fouling is not strictly a police matter, our role as a beat team is to tackle the concerns of local residents. If that means us working with partners to address a local issue for the benefit of my local community, I am happy to do it."

Well reported, Richard and well said Steve! Thank goodness a national broadsheet is now taking this seriously!

Richard's article can be read here: Police treat dog mess as crime priority.





This is followed up on the Nottinghamshire Police website as follows: Dog Owners Could End Up In Fine Mess.



I can only speak for myself but I feel safer and significantly reassured by these efforts.

News Shopper Strikes Again

The News Shopper hits the nail on the head again.

This time, it's all about Epping here.

This is worth reading for Ms Fiona Daniels' remarks about "this filthy, dangerous excrement".

I would really like to hear more from Ms Daniels as I would enjoy hearing about excrement, which is neither filthy nor dangerous. After all, even horse dung has its dangers.

Local Press Gets To The Heart of Issues, Which Matter!!!!!!!

The News Shopper is a well known local paper to those of us in and around the South London/North Kent areas.

For anyone, who doubts the authenticity of this post Vigo Village really exists. Information can be found here.

The News Shopper has really hit where it matters. All around this article are links to stories about violence and criminal activity. The headline grabber, however, is a story about how the local people took the subject that matters to the local police:

A police survey found dog fouling was an issue in the area and people wanted more dog bins in busy dog-walking areas

The installation of dog fouling bins is headline news in this community.

Never mind criminal damage, to heck with theft or burglary, let's get that excrement into those bins!

See the full story here.

Lessons From The USA

In the USA, they too are plagued by the rubber band menace.

Here in the UK we simply complain but Joel Waul of Lauderdale, Florida saw a beauty in the band, which we have missed. He embarked upon a project, which would make the most hardened postal worker shiver. He built the giant rubber band ball pictured above.

Many thanks to the Charleston Daily Mail for this report. It reminds me of what life is really all about.

As the article makes clear, he suffered injury and damage in his quest. His efforts have been rewarded by the ball being taken for display in a museum. What a man! He should be applauded by all of us and given a free life or, at very least, six years to make up for the time he has spent putting the bands together.

Read about his tremendous achievement here.

Fireworks and Dog Fouling

"What happens to the faeces collected in those red bins" you might well ask. The truth is that I don't actually know.

This is, however, fireworks season. I do not approve of mindless damage but some young people have shown clearly what happens to said faeces around November 5th.

I utterly condemn this behaviour!

Cash for crap

The streets of Taiwan must be pretty dirty for its government to announce a new cash-for-trash policy that will pay its citizens for collecting & bringing in dog poo. That, or the island nation has an obsession with dog fouling cleanliness.

Taiwan's Environmental Protection Bureau announced that it would give "100 Taiwan dollars ($3) for one kilogram (2lbs) of dog excrement collected".

The only problem I see is for owners of small dogs. My little Lakeland Terrier, for example, does tiny "rabbit dropping" poos. It would take me well over a month to collect enough of his dog poo to merit a trip to the weighing centre to collect my $3. There is no way I am going to hang onto his faeces until I have enough to haul it to a centre to collect my money.

Other people are more lucky !!

With Taiwan being a small island of only 245 miles long and having an estimated 180,000 stray dogs I can see some people making a mint from shit.

If I lived in Taiwan, I would definately do it. Could it work in your town ?

There Is A Dog Shit In My Garden

This site has previously specialised in musical offerings. This post is no exception.

Music has always been a special medium, which brings us all together. Reggae has its own spirit. Put Reggae together with a dog fouling theme and the result has to be magical. I want to hear you all singing along (actually, it's catchy, you will have no option).

HCPUDS

Whatever you think about me is fine, but just don't ask how I found this next website wonder!

OK, OK I just happened to accidently Google "girls, dogs & shit" (for personal research you understand) and came up with this - honest :-)

Hot Chicks Picking Up Dog Shit

It's mad, it's sick, it's weird - but it gets the message across. If good looking sexy girls can pick up dog crap, then why the hell can't you?!?!

"The fact that women can remain beautiful with a bag of shit in their hands is tremendous."

The Postal Strike

As must be obvious from the content of this blog, it is completely apolitical. Therefore, you will be fully aware that we have no view on the pending postal strike, the reasons or the arguments. In fact, quite frankly, I don't understand them anyway!

That said, we must always look for the positives in any situation. Will there be any positives from the strike? A message board user called "GJW" posts as follows:

At least if they go on strike my property will have a break from having red rubber bands thrown all over it. Littering is a criminal offence Mr Postman you tw*t.

I assume he/she believes the postman to be a "twit".

As and when the strike takes hold, I would appreciate reports regarding any effect on the proliferation of the vile blight on our society, which takes the form of red rubber bands!

Dog shit footprints

I take it that you all know the story of Hansel & Gretel and how they managed to find their way home by following a trail of bread crumbs through the woods ?

This story from America looks at the children's fable from a modern slant and uses dog faeces instead of bread crumbs!

Durham, North Carolina, USA:

Police found a man accused of drunkenly driving into a yard by following a trail left after he walked away through droppings left by the resident's dogs.

Police say Josue Herrios-Coronilla, 18, was drunk when he left his apartment and drove his black Camaro on the wrong side of the road, all the way into the front yard of Bill McDonald's house.

It was 11 p.m and Bill McDonald was asleep.
“My daughter came running into the room and said, 'Dad, there are headlights right outside my window.'”

McDonald called police, and when they arrived, they saw felled fencing, crushed bushes and the inoperable car. The driver was gone.

Luckily for police, McDonald's four dogs used the yard as their "dumping" ground.

Durham police Sgt. Dale Gunter said, "When the driver stepped out of his car, he left fresh shoe prints in piles of dog poop and an odoriferous trail down the street".

Gunter followed the trail to a nearby white van where he found Herrios-Coronilla hiding. The officer smelt alcohol on his breath and saw that his shoes were covered in "evidence" from the scene of the crime.

Herrios-Coronilla was arrested and charged with drink driving & drinking underage.

Though McDonald's yard was torn up, he is quoted as saying, "Shit happens!".

Taking this to the next level - shouldn't the police be giving this out as crime prevention advice?

If we encircled our houses, cars & valued possessions with dog shit then crime would be slashed, with the police able to track the offender no matter where they try and hide?

Don't Fall Asleep If Your Dog Fouls Nearby

This video needs no real introduction or commentary. It's simple and it's short. If you fall asleep, prepare to meet your dog's deposits!

For my part, I don't think I will be ale to get to seep very easily from now on. Every creak I hear will be Stamp It Out creeping towards my room with a kitchen towel full of heaving excrement.

Dog poo fight

Most of us are very close to the edge (Peter Arronsen more so than the rest of us!) and it doesn't take much to tip some of us over that precipice and into the dark & crazy world of violence.

Some things can even turn families & loved ones against each other - dog fouling is one such catalyst.

This recent story shows just how dog poo can break the camels back ...

Deputies were called to a residence in Volusia County, Florida, USA recently after reports of a fight.

The sister, Stacy Rash told officers that her brother Michael Rash had stuffed a pan filled with fresh dog faeces into her face. The two began fighting and the brother grabbed her by the hair and dragged her outside.

In the fracas, Stacy hit her brother's girlfriend Kaylee Whitrock. The girlfriend then struck the sister and then these two also began to fight. The girlfriend then grabbed a nearby broom and hit the sister on the head and face.

The fight was broken up when Michael grabbed a loaded gun pointed it at his sister and his girlfriend and threaten to shoot them.

It was about this time that the deputies arrived. The poo-smeared trio were handcuffed together and charged with domestic violence & aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

They are still in custody in Volusia County Jail awaiting trial.

There is no mention where the dog was during all this commotion or if the family still use the pan for cooking ?

Women, dogs & bikinis

Picture the scene :

The sun is shining & the sea is blue. A young lady is enjoying her day at the beach, sunbathing in her bikini & sipping cold drinks.

She decides to take her little dog for a walk along the shoreline to show off her tan & to check out the local talent.

Her dog stops by a group of particularly hunky surfer dudes and they engage her in conversation. Suddenly the dog takes a huge dump on the sand in full view of everyone.

Oh no!! She doesn't have a bag & can't pick up the poo. She dies of embarrassment and never wants to show her face at the beach again.

She loves her dog & loves the beach but how is she ever to carry poo bags when wearing her favourite skimpy bikini without looking like a geek?

Introducing the "I Pick Up" poo bag carrier. I wont go into detail about the product or about its promotional video other than to say - I approve!!

Yes it's blatantly sexist & employs buxom girls in string bikinis to get the message across - but you have to agree that bikini clad girls discussing dog fouling is so much more appealing than Susan Bell - The Naked Pooper Scooper of New Hampshire, USA.

I've already ordered one to wear on my Speedos - a poo bag carrier not a girl in a bikini :-)

It works for me ...

You are one crazy bitch!

I accept that dog fouling (and red rubber bands) is a very serious matter. But in these times of stress sometimes we can all do with a break ...

So lighten up everyone and admire the dog pooping comedy genius that is Matt Lucas & David Walliams.

We will be back with the serious posts very soon :-)

Doesn't Mr Doggie sound like Mr T ?

Cornwall Combats Fouling!

I have just returned from my native land - Cornwall. As you will be aware, this is a very rural area. On each occasion,on which I went out for a walk, I found myself dodging piles of horse dung. As soon as you stray from the beaten path, you are instantly dodging rabbit, sheep and other deposits.

That said, dog fouling is still a major concern in this quiet and charming part of Britain.

Restormel council has gone as far as drawing attention to "removal of canine faeces byelaws". They even show you how to scoop the poop into a receptacle. What could be more helpful?

There is a clear reason for this. Things in the Borough of Restormel have got completely out of hand. On 12 January of this year, the St Columb Major Town Council met to discuss issues of importance. Item 19 in the minutes records as follows:

"Cllr. Claton reported Saturday’s football match was
cancelled because of dog faeces on the pitch. Cllr. Crewes to review the CCTV".

Thank goodness modern technology is available to enable local authorities to deal with serious crime. The full minutes can be seen here (and a right rip-snorting read they are too!).

I also found this sign in my village. It caused me considerable concern. I can understand a clearing up rule but how can a dog be prevented from fouling? This also appears to make no allowance for the sudden onset of diarrhoea!

Cornwall council takes a totally hard line on this, which it describes as "zero tolerance". On its website, it makes the following observation:

"The Act stipulates that 'being unaware of the defecation (whether by reason of not being in the vicinity or otherwise), or not having a device or other suitable means of removing the faeces shall not be a reasonable excuse for failing to remove the faeces'."

Therefore, if your dog has an upset stomach, hide your face from the cameras and be prepared to run!

Cornwall, Land of tin, Land of Piskies, Land of heaving streets and parks. May it flow from the Tamar to Lands End!

"I got the dog shit blues"

Far back at the start of this blog I heaped praise on The Red Rubber Band in a vain attempt at linking music into the objectives of this campaign and making the subject look even slightly trendy & hip.

But I never thought for one minute that I would be able to successfully blend music & dog fouling together - that was until I stumbled across Richard Reinke and his underrated classic "Dog Shit Blues".

There is only one recording of his song available and I found it! It may look amateurish, but listen to his lyrics. They are filled with passion & anger and really put across the frustration he has experienced when stepping in dog crap.

It really hit a cord with me.

Forget Lennon & McCartney, Reinke says it as it is. Turn up the volume & kick back - this is nectar for your ears.

Pavement Art

Since Peter Arronsen's recent post on dog fouling signs on pavements, I have been inundated with examples of pavement art from our readers from all around the UK.

The idea appears to have originated from John Wood's tactic of spraying dog faeces bright pink.

I could see why some councils were reluctant to follow his luminous lead - but it now appears that pavement spray painting is the tactic of choice for many local authorities in the UK.

I was walking near to St Johns Railway Station in Lewisham Borough, UK yesterday when I found this beautiful example of street art that easily beats the example found in Crayford.

The clarity and attention to detail is just amazing. You can almost feel the heat emanating from the dogs recently deposited load!

Josephine Cloggs found this one in Dartford Town Centre, Kent. Very similar to that found by Peter in Crayford recently but in much better condition.

After that there was no stopping the spray painted signs coming into our inbox. Staffordshire, Devon, Manchester & Bristol - it appears you have all seen one.

I can't include them all, but you get the message - pick it up, clean it up, bag it up!

All the pictures you have sent me have one thing in common - they use a picture of a dog (obviously!!) to get their message across.

This next example from Glasgow goes away from the classic canine image but still gets the message across beautifully.

Get the message ?

"Foul(ing) Cried On Sir Bobby Charlton

Sir Bobby Charlton was always a gentleman of football (unlike his brother, Jack, who would hoof you in sensitive locations as soon as look at you). Therefore, I cannot imagine Sir Bobby doing anything wrong.

This was not, however, the view of councillors at Y Ferwig near Cardigan in Ceredigion. They linked Sir Bobby's recent advert for Actimel with dog fouling in children's play areas. A Mr Gooch declared there to be a huge problem with dog fouling adding; "If someone spots a dog foul the owner will quickly get a bag out of their pocket, but if there is no-one around they will ignore it."

Now I cannot imagine Sir Bobby standing idly by while his dog curls one out on a football field. Aside of anything else, the game has been his professional life.

The Advertising Standards Authority exonerated Sir Bobby, observing that the dog did not encroach onto the pitch. Well done! Sir Bobby's reputation remains untarnished.

Read the full story here.

Direct Action

At last, direct action by the public! If we cannot trust our elected representatives to act, then the people will!

I was in Crayford today, which neighbours the borough of Bexley. You will remember my post, where I showed the efforts being made by Bexley coucil. Clearly, this is not replicated in neighbouring Dartford.

Therefore, the people have acted and I saw the image below, which had been spray painted onto a pavement.




The people have spoken. There is no sign here about burglary or robbery. Nothing about serious violence. Let the government wake up and listen! "C" is not for "Crime" but rather "Canine Fouling"!

I feel moved by this outpouring of public support for our cause!

Eastern Europe shows the way.

Readers of this blog will by now be acutely aware how dog fouling isn't just a UK problem it's a GLOBAL problem.

From the city gent in New York to the Aboriginal hunter in Australia, from the Eskimo in the Arctic to the English Sunday league footballer, they have all got one thing in common - they have all stood in a dog turd and cursed the very ground these animals walk on.

This blog is littered with the campaigns, the initiatives, the "get tough" stories & the "zero tolerance" approaches that countries from around the world have tried & tried again.

But two countries stand head and shoulders above the rest of the world in their efforts to rid their streets of the steaming menace - Slovenia & Slovakia.

The first example is from Slovakia where dog fouling has progressed from a lowly number 2, to the top of the public polls of things that Slovakian's fear the most.

Their TV adverts put the rest of our feeble efforts to shame.

A few hundred miles away in Slovenia they have a different approach to the problem.

A recent advertising campaign instilled local pride in the cities parks & open spaces and managed to persuade several hundred citizens to meet up on Sundays & collect dog mess in their neighbourhoods.

So successful was the campaign that it won 2 Gold & 1 Silver medal at this years Slovenian Advertising Festival and has now been rolled out across Slovenia.

Now every Sunday you can find families, the young & the old gathering dog shit together with a sense of Slovenian pride.

How do we do this in the UK ?

Excellent Move By Bexley Council.

All visitors to this site will undoubtedly have spent much of their time spotting "dog fouling" signs. This is a good use of time.

Indulging in this meaninful exercise, I was pleased to see that Bexley council has decided to avoid the cost of affixing signs to lamp posts. As the new range of "anti-graffiti" style road signs are rolled out, Bexley council is including a logo as shown below.




Just look at this sign and the impact it has. Eventually, everywhere you walk in Bexley, there will be a visual reminder of the need to "clean it up". I am pleased to see this particular sign on a personal level. I have friends in Barnehurst and would hate to think that they live in a toilet.


Brighton is also coming along. They have chosen the option of placing a combined invitation on their litter bins.


This could, however, be a bit confusing. For example, does it mean that I should collect dog faeces from everywhere just to take them to the centre of Brighton? Who knows? Perhaps a solution would be to gather up the dog faeces from Bexley, take it to Brighton and fill the bins. That way, everybody wins! In the meantime, seal your letterbox!

Poover on patrol.

Some people just don't give up no matter what the world throws back at them. They have one goal and they keep going for that goal with increased determination and purpose.

Islington Council in London, UK is an organisation with such a vision - a vision where dog fouling is a thing of the past in the streets, parks & open spaces within the Borough of Islington.

Their campaign started in the 1990's with an ambitious series of adverts. Remember the TV advert with the old man defecating on the pavement & the dog turd in a hot dog roll billboard poster ?

Remind yourself of this Saatchi & Saatchi masterpiece here.

The years rolled on, staff at the council changed, but still the vision remained, waiting for a individual to take up the mantle and continue what Saatchi & Saatchi began.

That individual was Councillor Greg Foxsmith - Executive Member for the Environment for Islington Council.

"I want to see a zero tolerance approach to those that allow their dogs to foul the streets", said Cllr Foxsmith, "and for this reason I am now going undercover as a street sweeper to see the problems experienced by our residents myself & to help identify those responsible."

Armed with an array of brushes, brooms & scrapers, Cllr Foxsmith can be seen tackling some of the most stubborn dog fouling stains in his borough.

"By the end of my shift I am really tired", reports Cllr Foxsmith, "some of the dog turds take a lot of hard scraping to remove them from the pavements. It's a never ending job. Dog diarrhea is the worst!"

Whilst admiring his efforts, other councillors have been understandably reluctant to join hands with him and pick up dog faeces. Islington Counil have therefore taken his idea one step further and introduced The Poover to their streets.

The Poover is a spraying, sucking, dog shit devouring machine that sits on the back of a modified 125cc motor cycle. It works by spraying dog faeces with a warm jet of water to loosen it and then removing the mess with a suction mechanism. A fragrant detergent then sterilises the area simultaneously.

Cllr Foxsmith states, "I welcome the use of modern technology towards the problem, but I prefer the hands on approach and will continue cleaning dog shit from our streets the old fashioned way."

Shut up and listen fool !

During my childhood in the early eighties, I grew up on a generous helping of The A-Team every Saturday evening. The were my ultimate heroes - always ready to take a stand against injustice and help the "little man".

My favourite character was Mr T who played B.A.Baracus. The series has obviously long gone from our screens, but Mr T is still going strong and is still as vocal as ever on some of todays global problems.

So I was honoured when he decided to support the dog fouling campaign with this short motivation video giving his thoughts on the problem.

"Pity the fool that lets their dog foul our streets"

If we all followed Mr T's Commandments then the world would be a better place.

As If The The Act Of Fouling Isn't Bad Enough!

This dog has the audacity to to emerge from the hedge (guess what it was doing!) and then leave a massive skid mark down the road.

I can only assume that this is as a result of deliberate training by the owner.

Where is the government when this is going on?

Step-by-step instructions

I was out for a walk yesterday when I came upon a dogeared & badly worn, handwritten note that appeared to have been hastily written and stuck to a post by the entrance to the park.

The note clearly listed step-by-step instructions and was entitled, "How to pick up dog poo". Clearly the author was trying to make a point as the park was laid out like a minefield of dog faeces!

It read :

1. Take several plastic bags with you when you take your dog for a walk,

2. When your dog stops & starts to smell the ground - get out a bag cause you are going to need it soon.

3. Put your hand in the bag, grab the dog poo from the ground and lift it up.

4. Turn the bag inside out (still holding the poo), tie and put in the bin.

5. Continue enjoying the walk with your dog.

6. Repeat as necessary and stop messing the park for the rest of us !

Sounds easy, but why do so few people clean up after their dog ?

To give you an idea what it is like to walk in a park covered with doggy doo have a play of this game and very quickly you will see what damage a few dogs can do to a green open space in only a few short minutes if left to their own devices.

Will you take a stand and clean up the park or will you just turn the other cheek and let it all wash over you?

Best I can do is a £70 fine - how about you :-)

Doggy Poo

I can't wait for my kids to go back to school - they are driving me mad.

Today I took them down to the local Blockbuster to get them a DVD to keep them amused for an hour or so and saw this DVD for rent in the kids section.

Doggy Poo : "Sometimes dreams really do come true"

The title character is deposited at the side of the road by a little dog. Poo then wonders about the meaning of life & why he exists and decides to travel the world.

He meets some friends along the way, including a leaf and a clump of soil(!), before eventually meeting a dandelion who uses him as fertilizer.

The moral of the story - even the humblest were created by God for a reason.
It was created by the Korean's - a race that have interesting views on dog fouling and how to deal with the resulting mess. Remember Dog Shit Girl ?

All I can see is that the Korean's are undoing all the good work that has been done in the UK to eradicate incidents of dog fouling. After watching this DVD my kids went out to collect some "cute" dog faeces and then reinacted the DVD in their bedrooms.

I have a good mind to sue the producer of this filth when my kids go blind with toxocariasis!

Saying that though - the tunes aren't half catchy and I find myself humming "I'm a little doggy poo" all day at work.

At Last, The Two Topics Combine!

Dick Felton of Keep Britiain Tidy has, at last, realised that dog fouling and red rubber bands are inextricably linked in the minds of the British public.

As Dick put it: "Elastic bands may not be as visually offensive as dog dirt or half-eaten pizza, but they are most definitely litter."

Postal workers appear to be claiming that they are discarding their rubber bands because they are being forced to work too fast. To date, I have yet to see a postal worker running down my road.

I thank the Guardian for highlighting the problem here.

Poo Trap

I love gizmo's and gadgets. I'm fascinated in new and innovative technology, particularly if it can be used in the war against dog fouling.

Since this blog started I have shown you several of the weapons of war that are available to all in this never ending campaign.

From the cute designer poo bags and bizarre poo catcher to the chilling force behind poop freeze, not forgetting my favourite, the swooper scooper. I particularly like the way that the designer has incorporated an offensive weapon within this product.

Next up is this new product from America. I wont go into detail describing exactly what it does just yet, watch the video and see for yourself. As you do, marvel at the way that the inventor has created a product so discrete that you wouldn't even notice that your dog was wearing it - pure genius in design.

The company website includes a FAQ section which promises to answer all your nagging concerns.

I particularly like the way they emphasis the dogs excitement at using the product, the respect you will have for them, their indepth research and how it works particularly well with diarrhea!!!

Will my dog get used to "PooTrap" easily? : "Of course, they might feel a bit uncomfortable at first, however after 5 to 10 minutes when they are used to it, they will start to run happily again."

I'm sure my dog will not like it? : "Actually, according to our research 98% of dogs that use PooTrap for 3 days will be excited to see the product and their owner."

Should I always use the "PooTrap" when walking my dog? : "Yes, even when your dog is having diarrhea."

My dog doesn't feel respected when wearing the "PooTrap"? : "Babies wear diapers and they are truly loved by their parents, hence same applied to dog owners."

Can "PooTrap" be used when dogs are having diarrhea or at home? : "You will be glad to have PooTrap when your dog is having diarrhea. They can wear it in your home."

The product is priced from $29.95 for Poop Size 1 to $38.95 for Poop Size 8.

They don't explain how you work out your dogs Poop Size measurements, but I recon size 8 is an elephant judging by the size of the bags included!!

Talk About On Your Own Doorstep!!!

I had occasion today to attend my local sorting office to collect a parcel.

While there, I decided to conduct some undercover work regarding red rubber bands. Such covert activity is not easy, therefore the quality of the following video is not perfect but it indicates the attitude of those, who would pollute our society with this foul menace, which glows red with the anger of Satan!

The marks on the ground are a little unclear but they are red rubber bands. Click the thumbnail to share my experience!

Now it would be easy to dismiss this as simply people not caring about their workplace but it is worse. This has clearly been done to provoke members of the public. It obviously works. While the assistant was getting my parcel, I took the following picture of a sign by the counter:

Quite clearly, they are aware of the effects and have faced abuse as a result. This does not require a sign, it requires action by the governement!

How long will this attack on our civilisation last?

Off to work with a smile

Many thanks to Ms Betty Boner of Crystal Springs, Mississippi, USA for sending me this one.

I particularly like the efforts that the wife has gone to in hiding the dog crap under the car handle for her husband to find on his way to work.

As with most dog shit comedy capers we have seen on this blog, the victim responds with involuntary vomiting on realising that they have touched, tasted or smelt dog faeces.

I'm sure the husband in this video clip saw the funny side and has enjoyed laughing about his wife's side splitting tease during many a dinner party. You be the judge ...

Dog shit calendar

I'm back from holiday, refreshed and recharged and ready to rejoin the fight against the dog fouling blight on our landscape.

I used to think that there was no way to make a profit from incidents of dog mess - that was until I walked into a small joke shop in a mid Argyll (Scotland) and found evidence that the world is still full of entrepreneurs despite this terrible recession we are in.

The advertisement read:

"The Monthly Doos 2010 Dog Poop Calendar : For only £12.99 you can have 12 months of pure crap from a poop from the Far East to that special gift left under the tree"

No Bullshit!!! You heard right - a 2010 calendar featuring pictures of dog crap from around the world can be yours for only £12.99.

Each month includes details about the "hound that left the mound" along with doggy doo trivia relevant to that month AND (if that's not all) all the UK, Canadian, USA & Australian public holidays and moon phases (do they influence dog fouling in some way?).

Needless to say I jumped at the opportunity and bought one to brighten up my office - now I can't wait until 2010!

Warning - Explicit Evidence of the Dangers of Dog Fouling

This Video Is Hard Hitting. Be Warned Before Watching!

Dog fouling might seem funny, right up to the point, when the product is on your foot. Now imagine that you have no shoes on!

That is exactly what happened to this lady.

It isn't funny and serves only to illustrate the effects of this disgusting crime.

Feel free to watch this video but do NOT watch it if you have a weak stomach or have just eaten. Be advised, the lady vomits!

If only all MPs would watch this and see the devastating effects!

This Video Is Hard Hitting. Be Warned Before Watching!

£500 Reward For Information Re Dog Fouling

£500 cash for reporting dog fouling

Waltham Forest council is offering a reward of £100 to people, who provide information about dog fouling, which results in a summons being issued, £50 on conviction and £500 if the court imposes the maximum fine.

This is an ideal opportunity. I will get as many people as I can, who are on lower incomes, retired or unemployed, to let their dogs foul the stret while I video the act. Each will receive a lower end fine, let us say £50 maximum, leaving us with £100 to share between us.

Thank you, Waltham Fortest council, this will be a welcome source of additional income!

Article here.

Recycling Gone Too Far

Jill Martin Waves to The Cameras

My thanks to the BBC for bringing us this story.

Two years ago, after 21 years, Jill's marriage broke down.

There was nothing else to do but feed her husband a curry containing dog's excrement. In mitigation, having pleaded guilty at court, Jill's lawyer explained that she had suffered five years of continued mental abuse.

This is yet another way of cleaning up the streets. Jill, we all understand where you came from. Read all about Jill's actions here.

Did the Sheriff find it funny? We will never know but as can be seen here, she chose to admonish Jill for her actions.

The moral is simple. If you have a divorce pending, reach for the shovel and go for a walk!

Enterprise in Melbourne

DogPoo Patrol Melbourne




I believe very much in free enterprise. Every time I break a window, I create employment for the person, who repairs it. Over the years, I have supported train maintenance companies, schools, public buildings, the list goes on.

This philosophy extends to Melbourne, where dog fouling has become an industry. It has become viable to let your property get covered in dog faeces and then employ the company to do the following:

We will clean your property thoroughly of all accumulated dog poo and take the waste away with us.
We will thoroughly disinfect our equipment before and after each visit.
We inform you of any apparent irregularities with your dog's poo.
We fill up the dog's water bowl when necessary and close the gate securely when we leave.
A service slip is left with each visit to your property.

To me, this is the green light for us all to allow our premises to become absolutely covered, I will fill the employment void. I have a renewed purpose in life.

See their website here.

I need a break ...

I'm off on my summer holidays today so please accept my apologies for the interruption in the fight against dog fouling & red rubber bands.

I'm going to the remote Highlands of Scotland, the one place I feel I will not be bothered by the elasticated red devil & his sidekick, dog poo.

Stick with the blog and I will be back in 2 weeks - If you are very good I may even send you a postcard :-)