Friday, July 31, 2009

Enterprise in Melbourne

DogPoo Patrol Melbourne

I believe very much in free enterprise. Every time I break a window, I create employment for the person, who repairs it. Over the years, I have supported train maintenance companies, schools, public buildings, the list goes on.

This philosophy extends to Melbourne, where dog fouling has become an industry. It has become viable to let your property get covered in dog faeces and then employ the company to do the following:

We will clean your property thoroughly of all accumulated dog poo and take the waste away with us.
We will thoroughly disinfect our equipment before and after each visit.
We inform you of any apparent irregularities with your dog's poo.
We fill up the dog's water bowl when necessary and close the gate securely when we leave.
A service slip is left with each visit to your property.

To me, this is the green light for us all to allow our premises to become absolutely covered, I will fill the employment void. I have a renewed purpose in life.

See their website here.

I need a break ...

I'm off on my summer holidays today so please accept my apologies for the interruption in the fight against dog fouling & red rubber bands.

I'm going to the remote Highlands of Scotland, the one place I feel I will not be bothered by the elasticated red devil & his sidekick, dog poo.

Stick with the blog and I will be back in 2 weeks - If you are very good I may even send you a postcard :-)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Naked Pooper Scooper

If you follow this blog then you will know how passionate I am about people picking up their dog's poo - after all your dog did it, so you pick it up.

With that in mind I was particularly impressed when I read the efforts a local woman in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, USA went to recently to clean up her front lawn - that was until I saw her picture!

Have a read of this news story reported in and then check out "the culprits" picture - then you will understand what I mean ...

"Portsmouth Police arrested a city woman on a charge of indecent exposure alleging she was collecting dog faeces while naked from the waist down(!!).

Susan Bell, 42, of 76 Manor Drive, was arrested on Thursday after turning herself in on a warrant for the misdemeanor charge, said Police Sgt. Darrin Sargent.

The charge alleges that on February 28th at 6:20 a.m., Bell was pantyless while picking up dog faeces in her front lawn. The charge is based on a neighbours complaint and the month lapse between the alleged incident and Bell’s arrest was due to an investigation into the allegation, said the police spokesman.

Following her arrest, Bell was released on bail and her court case is pending."

Susan Bell
OK, let me be the first to say that I'm all for women walking around without any underwear on, but judging from this lady's "upper half" I'm not sure that I want to see her "lower half". Now if Jennifer Anniston was picking up dog shit, naked from the waist down - do you think anyone would care?
It's pretty obvious what happened here. Susan woke up hungover at 6:20am, probably from drinking downtown where she met a handsome young stud and had a one night stand. She got up to make him some breakfast but remembered that her dog had been shitting all over her front lawn and she hadn't picked it up in weeks!!
Susan is a hot woman and from the photo you can tell she takes pride in her appearance, so she would be mortified that her potential suitor was to see dog shit all over the lawn in the morning. So she rushed out to pick it all up really quickly forgetting she was pantyless.
It's obvious that her neighbours are just jealous because Susan is living like a rock star every night and they are not, so they decided call the cops and put an end to her fun.
If I were her I would show up to court minus my pants.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Postman Plod - the new menace.

Yet again I wakened up this morning to find a number of discarded red rubber bands strewn across my garden path, along the pavement in front of my house and off down the road.

Obviously the word is out amongst Royal Mail postal workers that Peter Arronsen & I are avid anti-red rubber band activists and that their days of inconsiderate littering will no longer go unnoticed.

I believe it was a cunning trap, set to entice me away from the comfort of my home and into a situation where I would be silenced once and for all by Postman Plod.

If his comic strip in Viz is anything to be believed, I would have received no mercy from this fiend.

Take a good look at him - if you see a man matching his description, walking the streets in the early morning, carrying a bag full of letters & parcels - then you know what to do.

Get your attack in first and make sure he doesn't drop another red rubber band in your neighbourhood again.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The Great Dave Allen

The great Dave Allen endorsed our campaign many years ago. If only there could have been more open discourse of this nature.

Thank you, Dave, may you rest in peace.

Poop Freeze.

Forever on the look out for innovative products and new technology that can help make complaints of dog fouling a thing of the past, I was directed by a friend to a new product just on the market that promises to do just that.

Poop Freeze does exactly what it says on the can - it freezes your dogs poop, making it easier to lift & bag.

I've included the Poop Freeze TV Commercial which explains their product better than I ever could.

Couple of things to watch out for (apart from the quality acting) - the lady who says she uses it inside her house when her dog craps on her carpet - HOUSE TRAIN the dog woman !!!

And the man who says people keep walking dog crap into his house and across his carpets - I think they are trying to tell you something mate, you unpopular man !!!

Poop Freeze @ Yahoo!7 Video

If the TV Commercial doesn't sell it to you then how about some of these "real" customer reviews of the product.

Fairly useful, 5 Jul 2009
Wayne Redhart - West Midlands, UK
"It does an excellent job of freezing the exterior of faeces - preventing unpleasant smearing upon harvest. However, the spray cannot penetrate beyond the surface. I like to place my stools in the freezer to finish the job."

Wonderful Product, 13 July 2009
Martin Hash - Dallas TX, USA
"This product is amazing. The best part is when it forms the white, crusty film right before your eyes. It also came in handy recently when grandpa had an accident in the middle of my daughter’s graduation party. Her friends were impressed."

Helps in emergencies, 3 Aug 2008
Melissa Bertrum - Swindon, UK
"My baby daughter suffers from IBS and this helps hugely when she produces quantities of stinky soup across our living room carpet. It is a little expensive for daily use, but is a godsend in emergencies!"

Easy pick up, 10 Jun 2008
Ron Sneebly - New York, USA
"It seems obvious to me that the instructions should include the insertion of a popsicle stick before spraying the can. Then you would not even need a scoop to relocate the poopsicle."

I can think of some better uses for this magnificent product - why waste it on the dogs ?

But I'm sure you have some more interesting ideas - I'd love to hear about them :-)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

No Messin'

Time and time again I see councils initiate their "clampdown on dog fouling" or their "hard hitting anti dog fouling" campaigns, but to what avail ?

Do they make any difference to the amount of poop that is hitting our streets ? Not one bit.

So it is with the usual scepticism that I see that Exeter City Council has launched No Messin' as part of its "hard hitting" campaign to combat dog fouling in the city.

Designed to encourage dog owners to clean up after their pets, establish a zero tolerance towards dog fouling & shift attitude about the problem, they have thought to introduce a new & radical method to do just that - an interactive dog poo game.

Councillor Pete Edwards, Lead Councillor for Environment and Leisure for Exeter City Council said, "If this powerful imagery can change the attitudes of just a few of the minority that don't pick up, then it has to be a good thing."

Does this really make people pick up their dog poo ?

Have a go and let me know what you think ...

Rubber Bands, Be Careful Where You Put Them!

These could be yours!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Can Dog Fouling Enhance A Relationship?

Well, it certainly can if this smooth working devil is anything to go by. He sees the chance to woo his girlfriend and goes for it. When she vomits, she is clearly registering approval.

I say, "well done, you are an example to men all over the world!"

Girlfriend Nailed with Disgusting Concoction - Watch more Funny Videos

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Just leave it, we got it.

Date line: New York City 2005

Three good friends are on the way to the cinema and notice that someone has stepped on a dog poo right next to the queue. One of the friends poured some of his popcorn over the smeared pile to cover it from sight - and from that moment on The Sprinkle Brigade was born.

The Sprinkle Parade has one mission in life - to use dog poo to put a smile on your face! And they do it in the most unusual way...

The boys have a thriving sideline in T shirt & artwork sales and have exhibited their "artwork" in galleries in New York & Lyon. They even have a best selling book, their own line of chocolates, a coat of arms & a motto!

Which just proves that there is profit to be found in dog mess!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Well Done Dorking Rugby Club

It is important to tell about the realities of life.

Dorking rugby club did just that to highlight the problem on their pitch:

As far as I am concerned, rugby can be a dangerous sport. Anything, which softens the blow as kids hit the ground has to be for the good.

Anyway, what are washing machines for?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A balanced view ...

What I love about our readers is the fact that they like to give a balanced view with their thoughts & observations.

On the one hand we have Vince Akuin who uses humour in his artwork to convey his inner most thoughts on dog fouling.

And on the other, we have Desmond Wilson who makes it very clear from his submission to the blog what he wants to do with those who allow their dogs to mess our public areas.

Desmond entitles this piece, "Die! Die! Die! You worthless piece of dog fouling excrement". Which I think truly captures his inner feelings of frustration & anger that we all experience at some time in our life.

Desmond is only allowed to work with finger paints due to the restrictions on possessing sharp or pointed items currently imposed on him by the doctors. He will be eligible for parole in 5 years and is hoping to exhibit some of his other works on his release.

Favourite pieces include, "Drop another red rubber band postie & your testicles are mine" & "Mummy, this chocolate tastes funny".

Monday, July 13, 2009

House Broken.

My thanks for this post goes to Vince Akuin AKA viince who runs the blog Go! Pencil Go!

A specially commissioned doodle, entitled House Broken, for the followers of Dog Fouling & Red Rubber Bands.

Toilet training a dog is the easy bit, getting them to read the newspaper the right way up - now that takes skill :-)

Thanks viince.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The Shocking Truth.

In 1996 Saatchi & Saatchi were commissioned by Islington Council in London, UK to run a campaign that would shock dog owners and discourage them from allowing their pets to mess the pavements & parks of this inner London Borough.

The result was a series of award winning ads & commercials that did just what they were designed to do ... SHOCK the public!

This newspaper advert certainly grabbed the public's attention and ran for several weeks on bill board hoardings around the capital.

But it was the cinema advert they produced that attracted the most criticism and was seen by many of London's top creative media directors as "over stepping the mark".

I personally don't think they went far enough. Saatchi & Saatchi were obviously streaks ahead of their competitors to produce such innovative anti dog fouling propaganda in the 1990's. We need their shock tactics today if we are ever to make any progress in the dog mess war.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Dog shit girl.

Peter Arronsen is obviously upset at the victimisation he is receiving from his local postman who is depositing red rubber bands around his garden. I can't help but feel the victimisation should be the other way around.

Take this story from Korea as an example on how victimisation & vigilantism should work ...

Dateline Korea, June 2005.

A young woman sits on a commuter train, protectively clutching a fluffy, miniaturized pet canine. Dogs are allowed on Korean subways.

Long story short: For lack of more comfortable accommodations, the dog was compelled to take a big ol' shitzu - all spluttery and with a lot of fanfare - right on the rubberized linoleum floor of the subway car, to the horrified stares and glares of fellow subway passengers.

See in the background, how all the onlookers appear to register differing levels of disgust and despair?

One passenger known only as Miss Kim said,

"The dog pooped right next to the old man and (the girl) was embarrassed. She didn't know what to do at the time. So my girlfriend took out a tissue from her bag and gave it to her and the old man, me and my girlfriend, gave her some space. She said thank you and then cleaned the dog's anus with the tissue! "Hey, you have to clean the poop, too. If you bring the dog, you have to be responsible for that," I yelled at her.

From that time, people started paying attention to her. The old woman who was near her, said, "Hey, you have to clean! Clean! Clean the poop!" The old woman pushed and threw a rag at her to use to clean the mess.

I took out my camera and I was taking pictures and pushing her to clean the poop, but she didn't say anything. She was just looking at her dog and petting it. The subway train got to Ahyun Station and when the doors opened, she got off. At that time, she said something rude to the old woman."

Miss Kim, armed with a digital camera, snapped several quick pictures of the offending scene, making sure the girl's face was as visible as the dog shit, and extending the narrative pastiche to include other subway patrons begrudgingly cleaning up the dog shit for her.

When Miss Kim returned home, she uploaded the images to her personal website, where they existed for many weeks.

People did read her website and yes, they became furious. The image was instantly popular, sparking a nation-wide dog shit hunt. The girl in the photograph became the subject of one of the earliest internet memes in Eastern history, and quickly earned a new nickname: Gae-Ttong-Nyue, or "puppy poo girl" - encouraging the Western translation of Dog Shit Girl.

Viewers zoomed in on portions of the image: the dog, the bag, the girl's watch. Within days, she would be found and "punished" by an online mob, with a campaign of ridicule, harassment, impenetrable JPEG parodies, shaming techniques and all-out intimidation. She was treated like a public enemy. Internetters began visiting the Web site of the university they assumed she attended, and bombarded it with posts, effectively crashing the server. When an administrative staff member finally saw a photo of the Dog Shit Girl, it was determined there was no such student in the university's records.

Nevertheless, the young woman was eventually forced to capitulate with an online apology, which in time made the whole thing blow over

"I know I was wrong, but you guys are so harsh. I regret it, but I was so embarrassed so I just wanted to leave there. I was very irritable because many people looked at me and pushed me to clean the poop. Anyhow, I'm sorry. But, if you keep putting me down on the internet I will sue all the people and at the worst I will will commit suicide. So please don't do that anymore."

Surely with a bit of work we can make everyone who lets their dog foul our public places & every postal worker who drops red rubber bands in our gardens feel just as good about themselves as this girl obviously does.

Are you up to the challenge ?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Do You Enjoy Swimming?

Think again!

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Personal Attack!

The following scene is from my front garden, where we are proud of the flowers.

What is spoiling this scene? "What" you may well ask. Well I'll tell you.


This had been left on my driveway next to the flowers.

I can only assume that my connection with this blog has been made known at the local sorting office. Clearly, they have done this as part of a concerted attack on me, this blog, and all, for which I stand.

They have picked on the wrong person!

I don't go around looking for trouble as long as people leave me alone. I don't drop red rubber bands at the sorting office, why do it to me? I can tell you why, personal spite!

I enjoy a peaceful life but I cannot allow this kind of challenge to go unanswered. I hope to continue posting here for a long time but, if I now experience an unavoidable absence as a result of this impending conflict, then please be advised that I will return.

Somebody has to stand up for the silent majority. Today, I am that somebody!

Friday, July 03, 2009

Death by red rubber band.

Great article in the Mexican online newspaper El Mañana :

"Adriana Martinez Ruiz, aged 14 of Mexico City, died last night after being hit on the head with a paper clip projected by a red rubber band by one of her classmates. Her death is being investigated by the PGJDF (Mexican Police). It is believed the blow to the head caused her to have a seizure and fall, fracturing her skull.

Classmate Amauri Pineda Gutiérrez is currently being investigated for murder."

If this doesn't convince you of the deadly power of a red rubber band then nothing will. Please start challenging your postie now for dropping rubber bands in your street - every one dropped is a potential murder weapon in your child's hands.

Use this simple game to stimulate debate between you & your child of the rights and wrongs of firing red rubber bands and the untold misery they can cause in the wrong hands.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

If One Can All Can!

Is there really a need for dogs to foul anywhere? Clearly the answer is "no"!

A concerted effort to train all dogs to do this will eliminate the problem and this blog will the be able to focus on something trivial instead.

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