Monday, June 29, 2009

Make your own.

Has your boss picked on you at work (again) ?

Has that sleaze ball from accounts made you look like an idiot at the monthly management meeting (again) ?

Has Ken from marketing parked in your space (again) ?

Yes to any of these ?

Then you need to get even, embarrass them and make sure that they know that you are not to be messed with.

Follow these easy instructions and place the poops strategically around the office and peace will reign once more.

Or you could bring your dog into the office and let it poop for real in your bosses printer.

Let me know how you get on.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

My gift to you.

For those of you that came to my blog just to see what the date is according to the human calendar, then I'm sorry there is a large blank space under "Today is ...".
The website that creates the calendar is down for repairs with no ETA for completion.

But until then please feel free to have a play on Korea's top kids game - "Poop Attack".

Take control of the little Korean child as he battles to stop the woman above him drop a steaming one on his head. Get a few direct hits and you will power up and get a supercharged finger to fire at her derrière!

Nothing to do with dog fouling or red rubber bands, but fun never the less.

Go on, you know you want to ...

Good luck :-)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Himeji Poop Museum.

Many thanks to Arnold Snelling, a British expat in Japan, for sending me this info.

While out for a drive with his wife he came across a sign for The Himeji Poop Museum.

For those of you that can't read Japanese Arnold has kindly translated the museums sign ...

Everybody come and play!

Come and look!

We have poop books!
Rabbit: It's shit time!
Gorilla: Come and see my shit too!
Elephant: Animal shit is here!

See it. Touch it! Smell it! Explore!

Who could resist such an invitation?

Inside there are vast displays of different animal poops, that you can look, handle & sniff to your heart's content. They also have an impressive library which houses their entire collection of books on poop—including one made out of reconstituted elephant dung!

Your guide through the entire museum is The Shit Professor who says, "I know everything there is to know about shit".

That's good to know.
As you leave the museum you are encouraged to take a souvenir photo of your loved one to remind you of your visit to Japan ...
Guess where you stick your loved one's head?

Friday, June 26, 2009

Rubber Band Gatling Gun

The UK charity - Keep Britain Tidy - recently called on the public to collect up rubber bands dropped by postal workers after a survey claimed they were found on 6% of UK streets.

Some 13,000 rubber bands were handed in as part of its Big Tidy Up campaign.

Now the charity plans to hand them back to The Royal Mail in a giant envelope outside its London headquarters.

Hand them back my arse !!!!!

This what the staff at the Keep Britain Tidy offices want the rubber bands for.

Bloody brilliant !!!

I have ordered mine from the Lego website for only $300. I intend to use it to return all the red rubber bands to the postman who drops them in my garden the next time he delivers my mail.

That should give him something to discuss down the sorting office.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Andy Murray's Success and Anti-Dog Fouling Action

Can Andy Murray's success be linked to anti-dog fouling activities?

As we know, Andy is from Dunblane. The attack on dog fouling there was underway as far back as 2004. The Dublane Web of September that year notes:

A year ago, footpaths were overgrown, there were significant litter and dog fouling problems, most of the public open spaces were in a poor state of neglect....putting extra effort into Dunblane now means substantial and permanent improvement and that is motivating people into making that extra effort.

Full report here.

The message is simple, clear it up and make Britain great again!

Therefore, if we fill Wembly with dog faeces now, then immediately begin the clear up campaign, the World Cup will be in the bag!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

It Isn't Just Dogs

Today, I visited Petworth House. I recommend it to anyone.

While there, I befriended this duck:

While it looks quite innocent, it produced this:

Sometimes, the carnage of the world causes me great concern!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

It's National Poop Scoop Week!

It's National Poop Scoop Week. GMTV has elected to highlight this burgeoning crisis and reminds us that dog fouling is costing councils 22 million pounds per year! Compared to this, burglary and serious violence are of no consequence. GMTV launches its crusade here.

The Dogs Trust (to which I subscribe) even shows us how to gather it up:

I wonder if they have been following this blog as their ideas have a very familiar ring:

Possible Poop Scoop Week Events
Mascots – Poop Scoop Week mascots can visit schools, parks and target areas
Stunts – flag all the dog mess in an area to demonstrate the extend of the problem
Events – such as dog walks are a good way to unite the public

And who could resist this dog as it stuffs itself down the toilet?

Visit the Dogs Trust and follow their campaign. Remember: Grab it,Bag it, Bin it!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Dog fouling around the world.

The best bit about writing for a dog fouling blog is that I have an excuse to spend hours on the internet researching my favourite subject.

One of the best bits is discovering how other countries try and stop dog mess hitting their streets.

Some use expensive TV & cinema adverts while other prefer the more subtle street sign to raise awareness.

Japan and her Asian neighbours love using "happy pooping dogs" and "cheery poop collecting children" in their signs. Their attempts at an English translation only adds to their charm.

In Argentina standing in a steaming pile is considered very lucky and dog fouling is positively relished by the locals for this reason. Official signs are very rare - with the authorities tending to blend signs into the background with subtle street art & stencilling.

The British on the other hand prefer the polite approach. Requesting that owners scoop their dogs mess - after all it's damned "inconsiderate" not to!

How very British.

But you can always rely on America to do it the only way that they know best ...

Friday, June 19, 2009

Plop Trumps

Kids ... are you stuck at what to get your dad for Fathers Day this Sunday ?

Then fret no more - have I got THE best Fathers Day present ever - and the best bit is that you can play with it as well.

Its call Plop Trumps - yes you heard correct. These aren't Top Trumps, they're Plop Trumps. Each Plop Trumps pack contains 40 beautifully photographed cards, packed full of scientific information, insider knowledge and exciting trivia detailing the facts & figures behind the worlds most popular animals & their faeces.

Amaze your friends and look oh so cool at school when you drop into the conversation that you know what a cricket poo looks like? Or just how big and smelly a tiger poo really is? Or exactly how much atmosphere-busting-methane a cow actually produces each day? Well now these questions, and hundreds of others just like them, need never go unanswered again.

Make your dad a happy man this Sunday - buy a deck today. Plop Trumps is the perfect gift - and all for only £4.95 plus p+p.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

It Isn't Just Dogs

Many thanks to Debbie Hewitt for alerting us to the problems caused by horses. She is so affected that she has written to the Galloway Gazette as follows

Horses depositing hazard for cyclists

I WAS disgusted on Sunday morning when I went out training on my road bike. The amount of horse dung on the cycle route between Blackcraig and New Galloway Road was appalling.
I had to swerve to avoid riding through it, particuarly at the beginning of the cycle route at Blackcraig.
There were walkers about with dogs and they, too, had to watch where they were stepping. If a dog had fouled the footpath there would have been uproar as there has been before.
I do not have a dog or a horse so I am not biased in any way. The footpath is for the public, not just for horses. It could pose a health hazard!
I feel it would be common courtesy to clear away the mess when horses have been out, as dog owners have to.

Debbie Hewitt

Thank you, Debbie, this has given us a new perspective on the problem!

This has prompted me to hire a horse for the weekend.

See Debbie's letter here.

The Poop Detective

Some carry out their crimes under the cover of darkness; some blatantly in the middle of the day, right before your eyes. When the crime is done they casually turn and walk away.

Who are these criminals?
They are our neighbours, our friends, our family members.

These dog-owning poopetrators are unashamed to mess with our lives. They feel no remorse, they know what they are doing and scoff at the laws and rules that were designed to protect all citizens.

As is often the case with crimes against others, it takes one brave soul to make a stand. Dave Bulleshat is that man. He is the Poop Detective. A highly trained professional, the Poop Detective uses investigative skills, tools and techniques, as well his own experience and instincts, to track, capture and bring offenders to justice.

"He has a god given talent, a real nose for what he does. He's patient, relentless and crafty," says federal prosecutor Eugene Naillum, "Street by street, park by park, city by city, he makes it safe for us to walk barefoot again. He is an all American hero."

In the messy, stinky world we live in, we should all be thankful for the influence of Dave Bulleshat!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Make my world ohne scheiss.

I am often struck at the lengths some people go to "highlighting" the dangers of dog fouling to the rest of the world.

I have already discussed Sherwood Forest Community Ranger John Wood and his fetish with spray painting dog faeces fluorescent pink for the good of mankind. But now there is a street artist in Berlin called Alejandro Lecuna who is running the Ohne Scheiss Project or the Without Shit Project.

Alejandro says his project is "a grass-roots effort focused on arousing solidarity between pedestrians to help them overcome the dog shit left by some Berliner dog owners."
So how is this doggy-doo-grass-roots-solidarity attained?

Basically, it works by having people buy his sticker pack (for only €10 inc p+p!!) and then sticking one of the fancy shaped stickers around any dog crap they find on their travels to make others aware that there is a "dog mess danger" ahead.

The pack has a number designs designed to reflect the type of dog mess you have discovered and your mood for the day - including : Holyshit, Hotshit, Dirtyshit and shit.

Comments please on how to tell the difference between a holy, hot & dirty shit !?!?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Wanted - dead or alive !

I am really impressed by the efforts some councils are taking to raise awareness of dog fouling in their areas.

Liverpool City Council spend about £150,000 a year cleaning dog mess from the streets of Liverpool. Recently they invested heavily in an advertising campaign to appeal to the "neighbourly spirit" of the scouser and encourage the responsible disposal of dog mess.

I've been to Liverpool before ...

I asked a guy, "Where are you from?"
He replied, "Liverpool"
I said, "Sorry..."
He repeated, "...Liverpool"
"No, I heard you," I said, "I'm just sorry"

North Yorkshire Council on the other hand have gone for the wanted poster approach, appealing to the public's desire for a cash reward to shop a dog fouler.
Keith Parkinson, environmental health manager, said, "This man was seen to allow his dog to foul a children's play area before making off on approach of our dog wardens. We appeal to him to give himself up now before we come round and post his dog's faeces back to him through his letterbox."
"Where's mi whippet !"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Red Rubber Brass Band

I have finally managed to do something useful with the red rubber bands I have been finding on my travels ...

With a bit more practice & training I recon I will be able to take my Red Rubber Brass Band on "Britain's Got Talent".

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Ellie calls foul on anti-social dog owners.

An eight year old Fife schoolgirl, Ellie Pattie, is calling for dog owners to help keep the streets clean by scooping up after their pets.

The primary school pupil decided to take action after having to dodge dog dirt on her journey to and from school.

Ellie said,

"I am sick of having to watch where I am walking because ignorant people cannot clean up after their dogs.

The council claim that people who let their dogs shit in public areas will be fined. It isn't working, is it? The streets are still paved with shit.

Today it is not just the streets. Someone thought it would be nice to let their dog squat in the middle of our garden. Yes someone stood by and let their dog take a big reddish brown shit in my garden and walked away and left it.

Excuse my language but how fucking perfect. The council are USELESS!"

Cllr George Kay said dog fouling had become a big issue in some parts of the town.

"In some streets it was shocking. It has clearly become a problem and I applaud Ellie for coming forward and highlighting it in a way that only an eight year old from Fife knows how."

Policing Double Hit!

The Northern Constabulary (Scotland) is now clearly well on board.

Not only are they cracking down on dog fouling but also littering, which must include red rubber bands. This appears to be the first constabulary to go public with this dual attack.

Well done, Oh Keepers of the Cause, go forth and spread the light of righteousness!

Read about this significant leap forward here.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Double Whammy !

A double whammy is described in the Oxford Dictionary as "something that causes two problems at the same time, or when two setbacks occur at the same time."

I think this explains it much better ...

Sunday, June 07, 2009

"D'ya like dags ?"

This has absolutely nothing to do with dog fouling or red rubber bands - BUT - after watching Snatch the other day I have decided to rename the blog :

Dag Fouling & Red Rubber Bands!

Do you have a problem with that ? :-)

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Well Done Bromley!

Another Local Authority takes up the fight!

This time, it's Bromley!

We are with you, are you with us?

We welcome your comments.

See the article and express support here.

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