Marlow, Crime and Dog Fouling

It's important that we keep crime and dog fouling in perspective.

Take the town of Marlow in Wycombe. While mostly rural, this area has an above average crime rate as can be seen here.

It would, therefore, be understandable if the local residents felt aggrieved at their lack of protection, perceived or real.

So it is quite understandable that an enraged resident should slam local dog owners. This resident was disgusted to find faeces outside of Marks and Spencers.

Laura says;“If you let children do that in the street they would soon have something to say about it.”

Personally, I see this as undoubtedly heralding Armageddon!

Many thanks to the News Shopper for once again bringing us these important details. Please read the full article here.

Up To Her Knees In It!

You all know this classic love story ...

Boy meets girl. Boy fances girl. Boy rubs dog faeces up girls leg. Boy never sees girl again!

Now watch how an expert does it and then tell me that this isn't the best way to dump a girl, get thrown out of school and have no one ever talk to you again. No wonder the boy is speechless at the end!

The Pepe Appeal

We have been in correspondence recently with the writers of the popular blog, I Want One Of Those.

Danny, Dino and Jimbo Woot have come up with an ingenious way to rid the streets of red rubber bands whilst encouraging a spirit of competition amongst their readers & work colleagues.

They have invented a new life form - a life form called Pepe. Pepe is small and round and made up from red rubber bands collected from our streets. But Pepe can only grow if people send in red rubber bands to the boys who will "feed" them to him daily and keep him healthy.

The boys are offering random prizes to those who send in rubber bands to keep Pepe a "healthy bouncing baby ball".

Pepe and the boys are in competition with their Customer Services Team who are feeding an un-named rubber ball, which by all accounts is putting on weight quicker than Pepe.

Nobody wants to see a Customer Services Team win anything - so get behind Pepe and start sending him in some "food" now. Send whatever you can spare to:

Pepe Creative Department,
Unit C11 Parkhall Trading Estate,
40 Martell Road,
London,
SE21 8EN

Terms & conditions are here.

Now if I can just find someone who is making a dog shit ball then I would post their address on here and get you all to send them your dog shit.

We Thought It, Others Do It!

How often have we talked about sending dog excrement through the post? Well, we have discussed it and suggested it, DogDoo.com does it.

We suggested it as an act of revenge. DogDoo.Com extracts it with excrement.

Anne Knox has cornered a market in the US. She sees herself as enabling the aggrieved to obtain a sense of "closure". She even knows how to ensure that her dogs produce the correct size and consistency. Her efforts are recorded here:

I can only assume that, in the US, there are no offences relating to sending offensive substances through the post. In the UK, this would almost certainly be a malicious communication. The US is, however, generally a little more liberal over such things than the UK. Obviously, in the US, far greater emphasis is placed on teaching respect.

If you are one of our US readers, you can obtain your product at the website DogDoo.com and may your mail boxes run brown with the results!

Gift Wrapped Dog Poo

For less than £2, this beauty can be yours. If only more websites would dedicate themselves to offering fake dog poo for sale, I wouldn't have to keep using the real thing to have a laugh.

For example, my neighbour was very unhappy when I put one on his baby's head, yet this site shows the acceptable side of such behaviour.

Let's all buy a few and play "guess the real one" as we deposit them on the carpets of people we know. At least only one will stain!

The full story here at sillyjokes.co.uk (and many thanks to them!)