Dog poo fight

Most of us are very close to the edge (Peter Arronsen more so than the rest of us!) and it doesn't take much to tip some of us over that precipice and into the dark & crazy world of violence.

Some things can even turn families & loved ones against each other - dog fouling is one such catalyst.

This recent story shows just how dog poo can break the camels back ...

Deputies were called to a residence in Volusia County, Florida, USA recently after reports of a fight.

The sister, Stacy Rash told officers that her brother Michael Rash had stuffed a pan filled with fresh dog faeces into her face. The two began fighting and the brother grabbed her by the hair and dragged her outside.

In the fracas, Stacy hit her brother's girlfriend Kaylee Whitrock. The girlfriend then struck the sister and then these two also began to fight. The girlfriend then grabbed a nearby broom and hit the sister on the head and face.

The fight was broken up when Michael grabbed a loaded gun pointed it at his sister and his girlfriend and threaten to shoot them.

It was about this time that the deputies arrived. The poo-smeared trio were handcuffed together and charged with domestic violence & aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

They are still in custody in Volusia County Jail awaiting trial.

There is no mention where the dog was during all this commotion or if the family still use the pan for cooking ?

Women, dogs & bikinis

Picture the scene :

The sun is shining & the sea is blue. A young lady is enjoying her day at the beach, sunbathing in her bikini & sipping cold drinks.

She decides to take her little dog for a walk along the shoreline to show off her tan & to check out the local talent.

Her dog stops by a group of particularly hunky surfer dudes and they engage her in conversation. Suddenly the dog takes a huge dump on the sand in full view of everyone.

Oh no!! She doesn't have a bag & can't pick up the poo. She dies of embarrassment and never wants to show her face at the beach again.

She loves her dog & loves the beach but how is she ever to carry poo bags when wearing her favourite skimpy bikini without looking like a geek?

Introducing the "I Pick Up" poo bag carrier. I wont go into detail about the product or about its promotional video other than to say - I approve!!

Yes it's blatantly sexist & employs buxom girls in string bikinis to get the message across - but you have to agree that bikini clad girls discussing dog fouling is so much more appealing than Susan Bell - The Naked Pooper Scooper of New Hampshire, USA.

I've already ordered one to wear on my Speedos - a poo bag carrier not a girl in a bikini :-)

It works for me ...

You are one crazy bitch!

I accept that dog fouling (and red rubber bands) is a very serious matter. But in these times of stress sometimes we can all do with a break ...

So lighten up everyone and admire the dog pooping comedy genius that is Matt Lucas & David Walliams.

We will be back with the serious posts very soon :-)

Doesn't Mr Doggie sound like Mr T ?

Cornwall Combats Fouling!

I have just returned from my native land - Cornwall. As you will be aware, this is a very rural area. On each occasion,on which I went out for a walk, I found myself dodging piles of horse dung. As soon as you stray from the beaten path, you are instantly dodging rabbit, sheep and other deposits.

That said, dog fouling is still a major concern in this quiet and charming part of Britain.

Restormel council has gone as far as drawing attention to "removal of canine faeces byelaws". They even show you how to scoop the poop into a receptacle. What could be more helpful?

There is a clear reason for this. Things in the Borough of Restormel have got completely out of hand. On 12 January of this year, the St Columb Major Town Council met to discuss issues of importance. Item 19 in the minutes records as follows:

"Cllr. Claton reported Saturday’s football match was
cancelled because of dog faeces on the pitch. Cllr. Crewes to review the CCTV".

Thank goodness modern technology is available to enable local authorities to deal with serious crime. The full minutes can be seen here (and a right rip-snorting read they are too!).

I also found this sign in my village. It caused me considerable concern. I can understand a clearing up rule but how can a dog be prevented from fouling? This also appears to make no allowance for the sudden onset of diarrhoea!

Cornwall council takes a totally hard line on this, which it describes as "zero tolerance". On its website, it makes the following observation:

"The Act stipulates that 'being unaware of the defecation (whether by reason of not being in the vicinity or otherwise), or not having a device or other suitable means of removing the faeces shall not be a reasonable excuse for failing to remove the faeces'."

Therefore, if your dog has an upset stomach, hide your face from the cameras and be prepared to run!

Cornwall, Land of tin, Land of Piskies, Land of heaving streets and parks. May it flow from the Tamar to Lands End!

"I got the dog shit blues"

Far back at the start of this blog I heaped praise on The Red Rubber Band in a vain attempt at linking music into the objectives of this campaign and making the subject look even slightly trendy & hip.

But I never thought for one minute that I would be able to successfully blend music & dog fouling together - that was until I stumbled across Richard Reinke and his underrated classic "Dog Shit Blues".

There is only one recording of his song available and I found it! It may look amateurish, but listen to his lyrics. They are filled with passion & anger and really put across the frustration he has experienced when stepping in dog crap.

It really hit a cord with me.

Forget Lennon & McCartney, Reinke says it as it is. Turn up the volume & kick back - this is nectar for your ears.