Hertsmere Council And News Shopper - United They Stand, Divided They Foul!

As I have previously reported, crime is dropping all over the country. Often, I ask why this is. I would like to think that it's because the entire nation is working together to combat acquisitive crimes and crimes of violence.

Every time I come to this conclusion, I read something, which shows me how wrong I am.

The News Shopper advises us that: "Dumped cars and dog fouling top the list of offences Hertsmere Borough Council residents would like to see people fined for". What a focus, what an emphasis on public safety!

This does, however, dovetail with the views of the Local Authority. Hertsmere Council has a section on its website devoted to "Animal Fouling and Dead Animals". The section opens with the gripping and astounding statement: "Each day, dogs produce vast amounts of excrement." If only every authority had this kind of incisive view of social activity. It even goes on to observe that this can cover shoes and clothes! I fail to see how this could routinely happen. I do remember my brother once coming home covered in cow dung but he had ridden down a road, which had clearly been visited by a herd, and fallen off his bike!

I think that I can only conclude one thing; I have no desire to be covered in dog excrement and, therefore, will not be visiting Hertsmere in the near future!

Read the relevant articles here:
News Shopper.
Hertsmere Council.

Last minute dog shit

It's nearly Christmas - have you done all your Xmas shopping ? No ? Then allow me to advise on a couple of stocking fillers that are best sellers this year in the world of dog fouling & red rubber bands ...

Plop Trumps has been our No:1 best seller since June this year and is sure to brighten up everyones Xmas day.

Forget settling down to watch the James Bond film after Xmas dinner - grab your Plop Trumps and keep the family entertained for hours.

A bargain at only £4.95.

Or how about a DVD to keep the kids quiet after the big meal to allow you a quick snooze.

At only £5 Doggy Poo is a sure fire family favourite.

Next up is something for the busy executive - a 2010 dog poop calendar.

This is a bit more expensive at £12.99 but is a sure fire way to put your unique stamp on your drab uniform city office.

All these, and more, are available at our Dog Fouling & Red Rubber Bands Shop :-)

News Shopper - The Paper Of The People!

While we all know that crime is going down, there are still nasty people out there, who break the law. I feel safer when I hear that criminals have been apprehended and brought to justice. Communicating this message is a fundamental role of the local press.

Although crime rates nationally are reducing, we all still like to hear about a burglar being sent to prison or a violent criminal being given time to sit in a cell and reflect upon his/her behaviour.

So it is that the News Shopper reports on how a Mr James Davis has been fined £350 for not cleaning up after his dog in a children's play area. On top of this, he was hit for £150 court costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

Thank goodness all is well! In future, I won't feel the need to lock my front door or secure my car, certain in the knowledge that all the agencies of the state are poised to swing into action to target those matters, which affect the public the most.

Well done Dartford Magistrates for hammering this vile, socially destructive crime! Well done News Shopper for letting us all know that we can sleep more easily!

I can already hear a new slogan: "clear the grime or face the fine"!

Read the full story here.

The Solicitor General, A Railway Station, A Puppy And Diarrhoea

Vera Baird: her nickname is 'the Towering Inferno'. Photo: ABBIE TRAYLER-SMITH
Many thanks to The Telegraph for bringing us this story.
Vera Baird, the Solicitor General, allegedly walked off after her puppy, breed unspecified, fouled Kings Cross railway station.
The inference is that Ms Baird's dog had left a deposit, which could only be removed by a cleaner.
This article throws up many issues.
Allegedly Ms Baird asked "Don't you know who I am". Surely the answer has to be "no, and I don't actually care you sad, inconsiderate moron". Well done to the PCSO for either not knowing or pretending not to. That said, it appears that a woman began an argument with Ms Baird over this issue and then backed off. Don't do that, especially where dog fouling is concerned. If you start an argument, be ready to stay the course. If necessary, shout louder than the other party and be ready to pile on the abuse.
Legally, I also cannot see that this could have amounted to an offence of Disorderly Behaviour within the meaning of Section 5 Public Order Act, after all we have all seen an argument taking place and we are all far too familiar with dog mess.
Once again, while troubles beset the country and, indeed, the world, the upset stomach of a small dog is still headline news above robbery and burglary. Keep that pressure on!
Full article here.

"There's a dog turd in there..."

I am a huge fan of Family Guy - in fact I used to work with someone who had an uncanny resemblance to Peter Griffin which made everyday at work a laugh a minute (for me anyway).

I've included this clip from the show purely to praise the skill of the writers, who managed to get two of the characters to say "dog turd" within seconds of each other.

Genius!

Enjoy :-)

BBC News, A Dog And A Fouling Issue

School inspectors at The New School in Exminster in Devon were concerned that the school had taken on this elderly dog as they viewed her as a potential health hazard.

Head teacher, Michelle Taylor, said:

"Occasionally, she will go to the toilet, but the children tell us and we clean it up."

I am very confused by this statement. Does it mean that the dog has been trained to use the toilet with the children but makes a bit of a mess? What does occasionally mean? Has the dog got some form of constipation, such that it only defecates occasionally? I don't know but I do know that this highlights, yet again, that dog fouling can occur anywhere and is at the forefront of all of our thoughts.

Read the articles for further information.

This is Devon.
BBC News

Even The Foxes Are At It

A mate of mine at work clears up the dog mess left by his dog in his garden by double bagging it.

This is good as it shows sympathy for the refuse collectors. There is, however, a problem with his disposal technique. He sometimes leaves the bag on his doorstep until either he or his wife passes the bin.

Recently, his next door neighbour complained about fox excrement in the garden. This was followed by an observation that the fox excrement was accompanied by a bag of dog mess. Clearly, a fox had carried it through from one garden to the other.

I say: good on the foxes! I have just piled up a load in my garden in a carrier bag. Who knows where it will end up? I have attached my mobile number to the bag. It's a bit like a message in a bottle.