Enterprise in Melbourne

DogPoo Patrol Melbourne




I believe very much in free enterprise. Every time I break a window, I create employment for the person, who repairs it. Over the years, I have supported train maintenance companies, schools, public buildings, the list goes on.

This philosophy extends to Melbourne, where dog fouling has become an industry. It has become viable to let your property get covered in dog faeces and then employ the company to do the following:

We will clean your property thoroughly of all accumulated dog poo and take the waste away with us.
We will thoroughly disinfect our equipment before and after each visit.
We inform you of any apparent irregularities with your dog's poo.
We fill up the dog's water bowl when necessary and close the gate securely when we leave.
A service slip is left with each visit to your property.

To me, this is the green light for us all to allow our premises to become absolutely covered, I will fill the employment void. I have a renewed purpose in life.

See their website here.

I need a break ...

I'm off on my summer holidays today so please accept my apologies for the interruption in the fight against dog fouling & red rubber bands.

I'm going to the remote Highlands of Scotland, the one place I feel I will not be bothered by the elasticated red devil & his sidekick, dog poo.

Stick with the blog and I will be back in 2 weeks - If you are very good I may even send you a postcard :-)

Naked Pooper Scooper

If you follow this blog then you will know how passionate I am about people picking up their dog's poo - after all your dog did it, so you pick it up.

With that in mind I was particularly impressed when I read the efforts a local woman in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, USA went to recently to clean up her front lawn - that was until I saw her picture!

Have a read of this news story reported in seacoastonline.com and then check out "the culprits" picture - then you will understand what I mean ...

"Portsmouth Police arrested a city woman on a charge of indecent exposure alleging she was collecting dog faeces while naked from the waist down(!!).

Susan Bell, 42, of 76 Manor Drive, was arrested on Thursday after turning herself in on a warrant for the misdemeanor charge, said Police Sgt. Darrin Sargent.

The charge alleges that on February 28th at 6:20 a.m., Bell was pantyless while picking up dog faeces in her front lawn. The charge is based on a neighbours complaint and the month lapse between the alleged incident and Bell’s arrest was due to an investigation into the allegation, said the police spokesman.

Following her arrest, Bell was released on bail and her court case is pending."

Susan Bell

OK, let me be the first to say that I'm all for women walking around without any underwear on, but judging from this lady's "upper half" I'm not sure that I want to see her "lower half". Now if Jennifer Anniston was picking up dog shit, naked from the waist down - do you think anyone would care?

It's pretty obvious what happened here. Susan woke up hungover at 6:20am, probably from drinking downtown where she met a handsome young stud and had a one night stand. She got up to make him some breakfast but remembered that her dog had been shitting all over her front lawn and she hadn't picked it up in weeks!!

Susan is a hot woman and from the photo you can tell she takes pride in her appearance, so she would be mortified that her potential suitor was to see dog shit all over the lawn in the morning. So she rushed out to pick it all up really quickly forgetting she was pantyless.

It's obvious that her neighbours are just jealous because Susan is living like a rock star every night and they are not, so they decided call the cops and put an end to her fun.

If I were her I would show up to court minus my pants.

Postman Plod - the new menace.

Yet again I wakened up this morning to find a number of discarded red rubber bands strewn across my garden path, along the pavement in front of my house and off down the road.

Obviously the word is out amongst Royal Mail postal workers that Peter Arronsen & I are avid anti-red rubber band activists and that their days of inconsiderate littering will no longer go unnoticed.

I believe it was a cunning trap, set to entice me away from the comfort of my home and into a situation where I would be silenced once and for all by Postman Plod.

If his comic strip in Viz is anything to be believed, I would have received no mercy from this fiend.

Take a good look at him - if you see a man matching his description, walking the streets in the early morning, carrying a bag full of letters & parcels - then you know what to do.

Get your attack in first and make sure he doesn't drop another red rubber band in your neighbourhood again.

The Great Dave Allen

The great Dave Allen endorsed our campaign many years ago. If only there could have been more open discourse of this nature.

Thank you, Dave, may you rest in peace.